I am a people pleaser. Or just a pleaser in general. I want everyone to like me and so I tend to gravitate towards doing what I think people want me to do. I don’t think this makes me particularly unique though, because deep down I believe that all beings seek some sense of unity with others. However that can only come about if we are first accepted by others.
I’ve spent a lot of time saying yes to things that I should say no to. I can remember talking to adults or anyone older and “cooler” as a kid and hearing myself agreeing with things that I totally did not agree with. (No sex until marriage. Loving or having sex with someone of the same sex is wrong. Having unwavering faith in Jesus will solve everything. Stuff like that.) In my head I was like “Why are you even saying this right now? You don’t really believe it.” I think that is when I first became aware of my desire to have people like me: when I realized that I was compromising my truth, my feeling, my intuition, in order to be accepted.
This has followed me throughout adolescence and adulthood. I would find myself having conversations with friends about their secret infidelities to their partners like it was normal. No big deal. Not hurting anyone. I wouldn’t voice my horror, or fear that someday I might find myself being betrayed by someone I love. I even went so far as to start seeing someone that had a girlfriend when I was in college. I felt so bad about my own self-worth and just wanted to be loved and accepted. It lead me down a painful road for both myself and others involved.
Life has a funny way of reminding us who we are, though. When it came to light that my own father had been leading a double-life and had a girlfriend with a family, reality bitch slapped me. I was reminded of several things, the first being that dishonesty is pointless and hurtful. I’m not even a very good liar in the first place. Telling even “white lies” keeps me up at night. I have a terrible poker face. But more than not being dishonest myself, I think it is important to surround myself with people that are in the practice of being genuine. This extends beyond not lying to one another, to also not lying to ourselves. Putting ourselves in a situation that keeps us perpetually unhappy, while pretending everything is okay, is not okay. Being around others that are doing so is just as difficult. Have you ever had a friend that complains non-stop about their situation but doesn’t take any of your advice to change things? They just keep living day in and day out like it is Groundhog’s Day. The same misery and drama but no activation energy to create change. That’s exhausting to participate in! It also creates a vibe of complacency and “this is just how it is.” False. It is how you decide it is. This played out for years in my family and the end result was an explosion that seriously damaged lots of relationships. Be honest with yourself! Don’t bend yourself until you snap.
I think what it all comes down to is listening to our intuition. That feeling that guides us smoothly through decisions when we choose not to second guess it.
Step one: Believe that within yourself you have the infinite potential of the universe. Step two: Listen to the universe as it guides you towards love and abundance.
The power of infinite potential is trying to guide us, but we oftentimes ignore it:
“I can’t quit my job to start my own business, even though it is my dream! I could never make enough money!”
“I can’t fall in love with someone of the same sex, society says its wrong! What will my parents think!? They’ll say I'm going to hell.”
“I really would love to be with a person that I can build a partnership with based on shared interests and passions, but this married person seems to really like me and I'm afraid I won’t be able to find someone else.”
I.HAVE. BEEN. THERE.
Every time I get myself into a situation that seems to snowball into awfulness, I silently curse myself for ignoring my inner psychic. Recall some of the not so awesome decisions you have made recently. Were you going against your gut and towards acceptance? Were you going towards negative attention as opposed to no attention at all? Getting real with ourselves involves lots of humbling moments.
The point is that as I see my life taking the form I always dreamed it would, I ask myself, “how?” How are things starting to go the right direction, even despite numerous misguided decisions I’ve made in my past?
I have made a point to listen to my intuition:
I moved to Hawaii because it told me to.
I visited Big Island because it told me to, and that is when I met Adam.
We moved to the PNW because our intuition told us to.
I am aware of those I spend time with/around because my intuition tells me that I become more like those that I am around.
I’m not fighting the way that I am anymore. I’m not fighting the innate intelligence that we are all equipped with to make our lives full and satisfying.
I’m listening to my heart, going with the flow, and trusting that all things that come to me are in my best interest. Even if they seem awful. I can navigate these waters to become the most skilled sailor of life I can be. I just have to listen to myself. I just have to accept myself.