As excited as I am that Spring has finally arrived in Washington, I have a confession to make:
I like the winter.
After living in New York for 22 years, I was pretty confident that I hated it. This was one of the main motivating factors in moving to Hawaii after I graduated college.
Upon arriving on Oahu I felt like I had fallen in love with the island. I was sure that I would never leave. I went to the beach every day even though I was working two jobs. I would wake up at 2:30 am to get to my opening shift at Starbucks by 3:30 am, work until mid-morning or noon, workout and take a nap on the beach, then waitress the rest of the night. It never wore on me because I felt so incredibly alive being there: eating good food, swimming in the ocean, getting sunlight, spending time with friends, walking on the beach.
Then I visited Kauai.
My love, Micah, that passed away in 2015 brought me to island in September of 2014. I wish I could describe to you the way that I felt the first time I drove across Kauai. I felt like it was the place my soul was born. Not only is it visually stunning there, but the energy of the island is stronger than anyplace I have ever been. You can get a small sense of what it feels like by looking at photos of the Nā Pali Coast. Then magnify that times a million and that’s how it feels being there.
When Micah passed away in August of 2015 I left Kauai to be with my family in New York. From there, I moved to Denver to try being a live-in nanny. As good as my intentions were, it just was not the right fit at the right time. I blamed the cold weather and my living situation for my unhappiness, but with time I realized that I had not healed enough to even begin enjoying Denver. Winter was not the problem. Kauai was appearing in my dreams regularly and calling me to return, but I knew it was not time for me to be there yet. I did need to be in Hawaii, though.
I returned to Oahu in January of 2016. Landing there was like a sigh of relief. It was at that time that I realized I had to start working with the Universe instead of against it. I finally trusted myself enough to believe that I had the power to direct my life in the direction that I wanted it to go. I felt so powerful. I began reading books about thought mechanics, meditation, creativity, inner child work, etc. I began trusting my intuition and letting it guide me. First to the exact car that I wanted, then to a place to live, and then the exact job that I wanted.
I trusted my intuition all the way to the Big Island to visit my sister. And boy did I feel powerful when I laid eyes on Adam Cheek for the first time. The exact man that I pictured for myself was staring right back at me… and he looked like he liked what he saw. What an amazing feeling to release your desires into the universe and have everything you ever wanted start coming right towards you.
Since meeting Adam, my life has evolved so much. We are both determined to continue growing as individuals and in our relationship. I realize that to fully live, I must continue to face my fears and embrace the challenges that life brings without worry or pitying myself. Trusting our intuition has led us to the beautiful Pacific Northwest, and I could not be happier about that. It has led me to a hobby that quiets my mind and soothes my soul- hiking. Trusting my intuition led me to seek the information, do the self-work, and gain the perspective necessary to receive the news of my parents divorce without crumbling.
I have a long way to go (lifetimes) in my evolution as an infinite being, but as events have unfolded almost too perfectly in the past year, I know that my strategy of trusting and caring for myself is the answer to reaching my potential someday. I encourage you to seek truth in our world, treat others living beings as if they were a part of you (because they are), and care for yourself like you would care for your husband, wife, child, mother, etc. (I will elaborate on this self-care stuff in another post)
Change and growth are in the air. I am so thrilled. Exploring Washington and Oregon will be amazing this spring/summer/fall. I cannot wait to take some amazing photos and spend time with friends. At the same time, I am grateful for this winter of rest and recharging. I am grateful for the seasons of darkness and uncertainty because they make way for periods of great light. I found this quote yesterday and I find it so appropriate when thinking of the changing of the seasons both in the year and life:
Watch the waves in the ocean. The higher the wave goes, the deeper is the wake that follows it. One moment you are the wave, another moment you are the hollow wake that follows. Enjoy both, don't get addicted to one. Don't say: I would always like to be on the peak. It is not possible. Simply see the fact: it is not possible. It has never happened and it will never happen. It is simply impossible, not in the nature of things. Then what to do? Enjoy the peak while it lasts and then enjoy the valley when it comes. What is wrong with the valley? What is wrong with being low? It is a relaxation. A peak is an excitement, and nobody can exist continuously in an excitement. -Osho
Until next time.